Cheez-It land

2004-05-06T18:39:00.000-07:00

Disorder | Rating
Paranoid: Low
Schizoid: Low
Schizotypal: Moderate
Antisocial: Moderate
Borderline: Low
Histrionic: High
Narcissistic: High
Avoidant: Low
Dependent: Low
Obsessive-Compulsive: Moderate

URL of the test: http://www.4degreez.com/misc/personality_disorder_test.mv
URL for more info: http://www.4degreez.com/misc/disorder_information2.html

2003-10-08T18:29:00.000-07:00

"Unspoken Commitment"

You said the words, you asked the question,

And then we took the action

After awhile you felt regret occur in you and after time it grew stronger

Maybe it all was too sudden for you or you wanted it, but not what would come after

To feel less regret you continued to pursue what seemed like a relationship or some kind of commitment

Except it only made you feel guilty, but you still tried to interact in some way, and when we were around your friends it was different

All at the same time you were afraid that if you were or were not flirtatious or interacting with me different from all your friends, that you would hurt me

Then you started to back off, maybe you thought, “If I back off maybe she would too,” but it came out differently

For a while you stopped with the flirting and interacting and then you started again, but only for a week or two

Sometimes when I would come and hang out or first enter a room, you would glance over, but wouldn’t say “Hi” and when I was leaving you didn’t act like you normally did and it felt like our friend ship was through

Sometimes you would act like a totally different person and act like I wasn’t even standing a few feet away

It was like all of your attention was directed to another person and it didn’t seem like it mattered to you if I had something to say

A couple of times I had showed up and you acknowledged my presence and said hi,

But that was only because the “person” that you usually gave your attention to was absent and when I was leaving, when she wasn’t there, you actually said “Bai”

A week or two passed by and I realized that you had liked someone else, but I wasn’t the only one

It was obvious to our friends and then when you got what you wanted
it was obvious that you were done

You did the same thing to her as
you did to me

You start some thing and then
when it gets to the part where you can’t or don’t want to handle it any more you stop and let it all be

To tell you the truth it hurt me to see you with another

And I hid it, acted like it wasn’t a bother

Ever since, I have been questioning every thought I ever thought about you and trying to create new thoughts to replace the old

The one big thought that keeps coming back was that I loved you and that should it ever be told

I kept thinking that I loved you and that one day we would be together

But all of that seemed to vanish and I thought again that I loved you, maybe I do or the same thought will just keep occurring over and over

I once read in a book that the biggest pain of all is to love some one and never have the courage to tell them, but then my friend said the biggest pain of all is to love some one and for them to not love you in return

Either way your heart fills with anguish and feels the pain build up inside, then it gets to the point where it begins to burn

In the beginning you were afraid that you would hurt me and you didn’t want to start a relationship because of your fear in hurting me

I’m not going to say that you hurt me, but you were very close and since I don’t have the courage to tell you that I might love you, my emotional feeling I will never express for you to see

It hurt me more to see you interested in other girls other then me and every time you started to be interested in other girls you and I would become distant

I thought about the words you said, the actions that we made and what you thought was a commitment

I didn’t ever think that I would be some one’s first or that I would want you to be my first and my last

And as the days go by, you seem to fade along with the old news from my past

Except that the old news keeps finding its way back to the surface

And the only way to keep it under is to commit my feelings I have for you and to say them to your face

For me to do that I need to open my eyes

And take off what I have been hiding behind for so long, a disguise.

2003-09-20T23:54:00.000-07:00

I hear the silence of the night,
I see the moon in the sky shinning light
I feel you as you lay me down to sleep,
And your jentle touch I will keep
I give to you my heart, the key
To my soul, because with you I see
A future being not alone,
But with the one in my mind that has been shown
You have no name, you have no face
Your jentle touch marks its place
You have no identity, but you have the touch
That makes me love you so much
You now hold in your hand,
The key to roam through all my land
Place the key beside your heart, now turn...
..Feel and see, Now watch it burn.

2003-09-14T20:13:00.000-07:00

My biggest wonder is why you don't love me, your first, my first.
When you started to love me it was to late, I was already falling in love with some one other than you.
But was it meant to be with this some one other than you?
My heart is still in love with you and will always be in love with you, no one other than you.
Nothing will change the way I feel for you.
You are my first and you are my last.
You started to love me, but it was to late I was already falling in love with some one new.
Why is it you start to love me when I start to falling in love with some one other than you?
My biggest fear is that you and I will never love each other at the same time.

2003-09-14T20:11:00.000-07:00

There's nothing I want more then for you to love me.
I love you and I don't even think you love me.
I keep qestioning my love for you.
Why? I ask myself, "Why should I love you the way I do when I question you loving me?"
I never have loved some one the way I love you.
You are my first love and my last love.
After being in love with I don't even imagine loving any one, but you.
It feels like you have broken my heart for ever loving again, but I still find a way to love you.
My heart isn't broken and I find it imposible for you to break my heart or to be mad at you.
Love is the barrier of showing what hate I may have for you.
It stops me from loving any one but you and from hating you.
I ask you what is the barrier from you loving me?

2003-08-22T22:40:00.000-07:00

I love Cheez-its!!

2003-08-08T12:33:00.000-07:00

yey

2003-08-07T10:38:00.000-07:00

gfg

2003-08-06T11:38:00.000-07:00

gdgd

2003-07-31T21:56:00.000-07:00

hhsdh

2003-07-29T21:11:00.000-07:00

gsg

2003-07-20T19:59:00.000-07:00

fafr

2003-07-10T14:41:00.000-07:00

Today I benched 95 pounds and it was only five pounds less then this other girl and I almost beated her..Next I hopefully will.

2003-07-09T14:36:00.000-07:00

Ok today I didn't get to benche, but I will beable to tomorrowand it wil be my max. My first max which was a cpouple of weeks ago was 75 and that was my first time benching ever. Now I think that my bench will be a lot more than that. Well, atleast I hope it will be.

2003-07-08T15:43:00.000-07:00

Ok for the last couple of days all I have been posting is that I'm 16 and well you all know that by now. Today in PE I benched like75 and it wasn't even heavy. I thought that it would be heavy, but it wasn't. I mean it wasn't all that easy to lift like the bar is, but it wasn't hard. I like to lift weights and I do it every day. It's good exercise....Later....

2003-07-06T13:54:00.000-07:00

I am now 16. WOW...

2003-07-05T14:37:00.000-07:00

IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!!!
I'M NOW SIXTEEN!!...YEAH!....LATER....

2003-07-05T00:27:00.000-07:00

Happy fourth...

2003-07-03T18:58:00.000-07:00

It is was still hot today, but not as hot as it was yesterday. I am about to go to youth gruop and I am going to be a little late...Later...

2003-07-02T15:21:00.000-07:00

Today was hotter than it was yesterday, but now I am inside and it feels a lot better..oh wait I have the fan on me....

2003-07-01T13:01:00.000-07:00

It is really fucken hot outside and I hate seting because it make you stink...

2003-06-30T14:30:00.000-07:00

My fucken belt broke and I need another one.

2003-06-29T00:30:00.000-07:00

I had a very long day and I am very tired....

2003-06-28T11:52:00.000-07:00

obsessedhugger@netscape.net

2003-06-27T12:56:00.000-07:00

I got my dress that I am going to wear at the feneral on Saturday and it looks nice and I am comfortable in it. I am thinking about wearing at youth group, but I am not tottally sure.....Later....

2003-06-25T20:42:00.000-07:00

I have to go to a feneral on Saturday becuase my aunt who was 43 blead to death....

2003-06-24T18:53:00.000-07:00

ttt

2003-06-23T17:02:00.000-07:00

Summer time is soo damm hot!....Later.......

2003-06-22T15:26:00.000-07:00

My mom has pre-skin cancer.................................

2003-06-21T10:51:00.000-07:00

gfdfgsdfhs............

2003-06-20T20:39:00.000-07:00

Mother is coming to town...run...lol....Later..............

2003-06-19T18:33:00.000-07:00

hfjkhasjkghtoaiwehgjkasdghjkarehgjkanhbjkaerhgjkafh...........

2003-06-18T23:55:00.000-07:00

testing 123

2003-06-17T15:40:00.000-07:00

hshsdhsdghshh

2003-06-16T22:00:00.000-07:00

Testing 123

2003-06-15T09:59:00.000-07:00

Going to church...Later........................

2003-06-14T11:52:00.000-07:00

Not much going on in my life right now so I don't have much to post about..............Later.....................

2003-06-13T23:30:00.000-07:00

Testing 123

2003-06-12T23:19:00.000-07:00

Testing 123

2003-06-11T22:28:00.000-07:00

Testing 123

2003-06-10T12:54:00.000-07:00

School is still in session and I am soo fucken bored and I want to got o sleep!! I can't wait for school to get out. Just two more days and then I have to go to summer school and I can't wait for that to end. I don't a fifth so yesterday and today I have to stay at school because I have a sixth. I have to go to all of my classes so that means that if I don't have a fifth and I have a sixth I have to come back to school to go to sixth. That sucks because I usually just go some where and not have to worry about coming back to school. This is my longest post for this site............Later..............

2003-06-09T16:04:00.000-07:00

I am at my friends house and I am about to leave. I think that I am going to be skating homw, but I might get a ride by his mom. Later........

2003-06-07T20:55:00.000-07:00

I just go done with the cd and I am going to go listen to it. Later...........

2003-06-07T19:32:00.000-07:00

I am finally buring a cd and I am taking a long time on it. I think that it is going to be good. Yeah I am going to go finish it. Later............

2003-06-06T12:10:00.000-07:00

It is Friday and I am feeling alright. Yeah school is almost over for this year. I am still at school and I want to go roller balding. I got to go now.........Later..............

2003-06-05T17:59:00.000-07:00

Yeah now I am at my friends Josh's house and I am typing this out and I still have to blade home. I don't mind having to blade home, but it is going to be dark and I don't want to fall. It sucks to fall. Well I gotta go finish posting and then check my e-mail. Later..........................

2003-06-04T10:34:00.000-07:00

At school doing nothing, but typing on the computer in the school library. I want school to end already!..Only six more days until school is over, but then I have to go to summer school. That really sucks because I have to take PE and maybe Math.. My two worst subjects...Later....................

2003-06-03T22:03:00.000-07:00

What the fuck!! This posting design is soo much different. What the hell happened to the other one? Bring back the other one damm you people!!..lol...Yeah I have to go now. I had a lot of fun roller blading today and hopefully I will tomorrow.. Later......................

2003-06-02T18:03:00.000-07:00

I am at my friends house and earlier we skated from my house to her house. It is really ot in herea nd I can't really ppost that much right now..Later..............

2003-06-01T21:43:00.000-07:00

I went to my friend Lizzies house earlier and went skating and then I got back to my house and atefood. Then went to sleep.

2003-05-31T20:52:00.000-07:00

I have been on the computer for like five hours and it dosen't even seem like it. My uncel hasn't told me to get off which it cool. I am going to take some more quiz's. Later...................

2003-05-31T19:55:00.000-07:00

I went ice skating and I didn't fall. I am happy that I dind't fall and I had fun. After ice skating I went with my friends to my other friends birthday party. I had a lot of fun today. I don't know what I will do tomorrow, but what ever I do I hope to have fun. Later..........

2003-05-30T13:11:00.000-07:00

I am still at school and waiting for my friend Lizzie to get done with her AR test. I think that she is almost done. I am going to go check...Later...........

2003-05-29T19:57:00.000-07:00

Yeah about that last post I really ment it. Go to Starbucks and buy/get all the coffee you can, but leave some for me. Don't be a coffee hogger or be stingey. How ever the hell you spell that. Later...........

2003-05-28T18:43:00.000-07:00

Starbucks is sooo cool and every one should go there. Drink all the coffee you can get/buy.

2003-05-27T20:23:00.000-07:00

Just now I got done taking some black and white pictures with my best friend Lizzie. I wasn't affraid of the camrea. Well, I don't know who reads this, but if you do I thank you for coming. I can't post that much right now, but later on I will. Later......

2003-05-26T18:33:00.000-07:00

Today I had steam cleand my carpet and it is still wet. I thin that it is going to be wet for a little while longer. It has been wet for more than two hours. Every time I go to step on it and then go to step on tile I almost slip. Not fun. Right now I am having another barbeque and we are watching Star Wars-Episode II-Attack of The Clones. I think I have already seen it, but not from the begginning. I am still trying to beable to make time and effort to post every day on every site. I really want to. I am going to go post on my other site right now. Later...........

2003-05-25T19:13:00.000-07:00

Today me and my friends went to go ice skting and when we got there it was close to the public. I wanted to go and so did Ryan. I hope to go tomorrow. I don't have school tomorrow and I didn't know that until ealier today when Ryan told me or Jeremy rold me. I would of went to bed early and got up early and went to go to school. I am glad they told me.

2003-05-23T21:50:00.000-07:00

Today was good. I got out of school at 12:15 and then when I went to Carls Jr. with my friends. Pretty fun. Then I went to Josh’s house and then went to see the movie Matrix Reloaded. Good you should go see it. Gotta go. Post Later….

2003-05-22T23:17:00.000-07:00

I didn't really do much today, but I did some things. I am goign to be staring to write or put togethter a book. I am actually going to go all the way with this one.

2003-05-21T22:24:00.000-07:00

Can’t post too much here, I have too many other sites {site overload}. Hopefully this site will be up and running soon.
This site will hopefully have something interesting for you to read.
Till then it’s just my senseless ramblings. Please if you don’t like anything on this site go to Amazon, buy a book, and quit you winning.

2003-05-20T18:16:00.000-07:00

The nurse gave me a paper of things that tell you if you are suffering from a concusion. How ever you spell that.

Great so I might be suffering from a concusion. Now that is just wonderful!!

2003-05-20T18:15:00.000-07:00

I got whacked in the face with a tennis racket by my best friend. She didn't mean it though. Today because of it I got to go home early. Which was cool. I don't want to still be in pain tomorrow. I have a bump on my forhead. There's no color to it, there's just a bump. Well, gotta go. Later.............

2003-05-20T17:53:00.000-07:00

I still have a hard time kinding this site. I need to know how to spell it or remember how to spell it.
Tosay at school I hot whaked in the head with a tennis racket. It hert like a bitch!. I now have a bump on my forhead. I am also still in pain. I don't like tennis any more.

2003-05-19T19:53:00.000-07:00

I can't even remember how to spell this web page...Now that's sad.

2003-05-19T16:34:00.000-07:00

This is my forth web site and I don't really know how I am going to keep up withh all of them. It sure is a way to keep me busy.