Thursday, May 06, 2004
Disorder | Rating
Paranoid: Low
Schizoid: Low
Schizotypal: Moderate
Antisocial: Moderate
Borderline: Low
Histrionic: High
Narcissistic: High
Avoidant: Low
Dependent: Low
Obsessive-Compulsive: Moderate
URL of the test: http://www.4degreez.com/misc/personality_disorder_test.mv
URL for more info: http://www.4degreez.com/misc/disorder_information2.html
Paranoid: Low
Schizoid: Low
Schizotypal: Moderate
Antisocial: Moderate
Borderline: Low
Histrionic: High
Narcissistic: High
Avoidant: Low
Dependent: Low
Obsessive-Compulsive: Moderate
URL of the test: http://www.4degreez.com/misc/personality_disorder_test.mv
URL for more info: http://www.4degreez.com/misc/disorder_information2.html
Wednesday, October 08, 2003
"Unspoken Commitment"
You said the words, you asked the question,
And then we took the action
After awhile you felt regret occur in you and after time it grew stronger
Maybe it all was too sudden for you or you wanted it, but not what would come after
To feel less regret you continued to pursue what seemed like a relationship or some kind of commitment
Except it only made you feel guilty, but you still tried to interact in some way, and when we were around your friends it was different
All at the same time you were afraid that if you were or were not flirtatious or interacting with me different from all your friends, that you would hurt me
Then you started to back off, maybe you thought, “If I back off maybe she would too,” but it came out differently
For a while you stopped with the flirting and interacting and then you started again, but only for a week or two
Sometimes when I would come and hang out or first enter a room, you would glance over, but wouldn’t say “Hi” and when I was leaving you didn’t act like you normally did and it felt like our friend ship was through
Sometimes you would act like a totally different person and act like I wasn’t even standing a few feet away
It was like all of your attention was directed to another person and it didn’t seem like it mattered to you if I had something to say
A couple of times I had showed up and you acknowledged my presence and said hi,
But that was only because the “person” that you usually gave your attention to was absent and when I was leaving, when she wasn’t there, you actually said “Bai”
A week or two passed by and I realized that you had liked someone else, but I wasn’t the only one
It was obvious to our friends and then when you got what you wanted
it was obvious that you were done
You did the same thing to her as
you did to me
You start some thing and then
when it gets to the part where you can’t or don’t want to handle it any more you stop and let it all be
To tell you the truth it hurt me to see you with another
And I hid it, acted like it wasn’t a bother
Ever since, I have been questioning every thought I ever thought about you and trying to create new thoughts to replace the old
The one big thought that keeps coming back was that I loved you and that should it ever be told
I kept thinking that I loved you and that one day we would be together
But all of that seemed to vanish and I thought again that I loved you, maybe I do or the same thought will just keep occurring over and over
I once read in a book that the biggest pain of all is to love some one and never have the courage to tell them, but then my friend said the biggest pain of all is to love some one and for them to not love you in return
Either way your heart fills with anguish and feels the pain build up inside, then it gets to the point where it begins to burn
In the beginning you were afraid that you would hurt me and you didn’t want to start a relationship because of your fear in hurting me
I’m not going to say that you hurt me, but you were very close and since I don’t have the courage to tell you that I might love you, my emotional feeling I will never express for you to see
It hurt me more to see you interested in other girls other then me and every time you started to be interested in other girls you and I would become distant
I thought about the words you said, the actions that we made and what you thought was a commitment
I didn’t ever think that I would be some one’s first or that I would want you to be my first and my last
And as the days go by, you seem to fade along with the old news from my past
Except that the old news keeps finding its way back to the surface
And the only way to keep it under is to commit my feelings I have for you and to say them to your face
For me to do that I need to open my eyes
And take off what I have been hiding behind for so long, a disguise.
You said the words, you asked the question,
And then we took the action
After awhile you felt regret occur in you and after time it grew stronger
Maybe it all was too sudden for you or you wanted it, but not what would come after
To feel less regret you continued to pursue what seemed like a relationship or some kind of commitment
Except it only made you feel guilty, but you still tried to interact in some way, and when we were around your friends it was different
All at the same time you were afraid that if you were or were not flirtatious or interacting with me different from all your friends, that you would hurt me
Then you started to back off, maybe you thought, “If I back off maybe she would too,” but it came out differently
For a while you stopped with the flirting and interacting and then you started again, but only for a week or two
Sometimes when I would come and hang out or first enter a room, you would glance over, but wouldn’t say “Hi” and when I was leaving you didn’t act like you normally did and it felt like our friend ship was through
Sometimes you would act like a totally different person and act like I wasn’t even standing a few feet away
It was like all of your attention was directed to another person and it didn’t seem like it mattered to you if I had something to say
A couple of times I had showed up and you acknowledged my presence and said hi,
But that was only because the “person” that you usually gave your attention to was absent and when I was leaving, when she wasn’t there, you actually said “Bai”
A week or two passed by and I realized that you had liked someone else, but I wasn’t the only one
It was obvious to our friends and then when you got what you wanted
it was obvious that you were done
You did the same thing to her as
you did to me
You start some thing and then
when it gets to the part where you can’t or don’t want to handle it any more you stop and let it all be
To tell you the truth it hurt me to see you with another
And I hid it, acted like it wasn’t a bother
Ever since, I have been questioning every thought I ever thought about you and trying to create new thoughts to replace the old
The one big thought that keeps coming back was that I loved you and that should it ever be told
I kept thinking that I loved you and that one day we would be together
But all of that seemed to vanish and I thought again that I loved you, maybe I do or the same thought will just keep occurring over and over
I once read in a book that the biggest pain of all is to love some one and never have the courage to tell them, but then my friend said the biggest pain of all is to love some one and for them to not love you in return
Either way your heart fills with anguish and feels the pain build up inside, then it gets to the point where it begins to burn
In the beginning you were afraid that you would hurt me and you didn’t want to start a relationship because of your fear in hurting me
I’m not going to say that you hurt me, but you were very close and since I don’t have the courage to tell you that I might love you, my emotional feeling I will never express for you to see
It hurt me more to see you interested in other girls other then me and every time you started to be interested in other girls you and I would become distant
I thought about the words you said, the actions that we made and what you thought was a commitment
I didn’t ever think that I would be some one’s first or that I would want you to be my first and my last
And as the days go by, you seem to fade along with the old news from my past
Except that the old news keeps finding its way back to the surface
And the only way to keep it under is to commit my feelings I have for you and to say them to your face
For me to do that I need to open my eyes
And take off what I have been hiding behind for so long, a disguise.
